A BLEAKLEY BROTHERS MYSTERY by OSBERT THE AVENGER author Christopher William Hill

What’s that you say? You’re off to Bleakley Manor? On Michaelmas eve? But dear child, hasn’t anyone told you the legend of Old Bramble Head, who rises once a year to claim another victim from the unfortunate Bleakley household…

Which one will it be this time? And could there be foul play? Crime-busting brothers Horatio and Eustace Bleakley feel certain they smell a rat. Or is that Cook’s dinner?

More importantly, can they solve the mystery before another Bleakley bites the dust?

Go ahead and find out… if you dare!

Dirk Lloyd, the Dark Lord trapped in the body of a weedy schoolboy, returns in another darkly hilarious adventure… Brilliantly funny and subversive, this is the Funny Prize-winning Jamie Thomson at his best.

Fear me, o miserable worm!

I, the Great Dirk, take up my pen once more to record the utter misery that is SCHOOL. My sworn enemy, Hasdruban the White, has infiltrated Whiteshields School and seeks vengeance on me. Naturally, I will triumph. But it is the Dirkest Hour indeed…

BUY THIS BOOK OR SUFFER ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:

-Being struck with a Blast of Ravening Flame
-Banishment to the Slave Pits of Never Ending Toil
-Torment by the Hewer of Limbs

THE CHOICE IS YOURS. MWA HA HA!

Dirk Lloyd, the Dark Lord trapped in the body of a weedy schoolboy, returns in another darkly hilarious adventure… Brilliantly funny and subversive, this is the Funny Prize-winning Jamie Thomson at his best.

Sooz, a 13 yr old girl from Surrey has become the Dark Mistress of Dirk’s other worldly kingdom, the Darklands. Thanks to the Ring of Power given to her by Dirk, his minions recognise her as their ruler. Sooz immediately sets about redecorating Dirk’s Dark Tower to the taste of a young girl.

But Sooz has to face her toughest challenge when an army of fanatical paladins and orcs gather to march against her. Despite their centuries of hostility to each other, they prefer to form an alliance rather than accept Sooz’s new regime.

And what of Dirk? He continues on slaving away at school, plotting ways to rescue Sooz. Eventually he is able to advise her on life in the Darklands and Sooz is able to hold back the fanatical paladins.

When twins Greta and Feliks are sent to the ill-omened Schwartzgarten Reformatory for Maladjusted Children it seems their fate is sealed: that is until they are rescued by the glamorous Olga Van Veenen, a fabulously wealthy children’s author, plagued by writer’s block. But Olga’s life is apparently in danger, threatened by a second-rate novelist who wishes to see his rival dead. When Olga and her faithful retainer, Valentin, disappear from the eerie and imposing Castle Van Veenen, many miles north by train from Schwartzgarten’s Imperial Railway Station, Greta and Feliks conclude that the murderous novelist has finally exacted his revenge on Olga. Only by using their wits are the twins able to rescue their guardian before it is too late. As if by magic, Olga’s writer’s block lifts, and she quickly produces and publishes a new book for children. The novel has eerie similarities to the twins’ adventures in Castle Van Veenen, and Greta and Feliks begin to question whether their guardian has deliberately placed them in danger for literary inspiration. But Olga Van Veenen has come too far to have her reputation muddied by the allegations of the twins, and will stop at nothing to silence them forever.

Minibeasts in all their glory gather in this brand-new book from the creators of Bumpus Jumpus Dinosaurumpus. Join in with beetles and ladybirds, ants and bees and bugs galore as they dance the night away! But who is missing from the fun . . . will poor slow snail arrive in time? Bug-fans everywhere will enjoy this insect romp – perfect to enjoy both in and out of the classroom; with its read-aloud rhyming text and exuberant illustrations, this is a sure-fire winner from the popular duo, Tony Mitton and Guy Parker-Rees, illustrator of the bestselling Giraffes Can’t Dance – for pure clap-along, dance-along fun.

Dirk Lloyd, the Dark Lord trapped in the boy of a weedy schoolboy, returns in a darkly hilarious adventure set in the most ghoulish school you’ll encounter this side of the Darklands …

Fourth in the brilliant series that began with the Roald Dahl Funny Prize-winning DARK LORD: THE TEENAGE YEARS, also chosen as one of the Sunday Times’s 100 Modern Children Classics.

Young ballerinas will find the answer to all these questions and delight in the sheer charm of Ella Bella’s world. James Mayhew has also included a last page full of ballet facts to help even the keenest budding ballerina learn about the story behind Swan Lake.

In this story, Ella’s kindly ballet teacher Madame Rosa is preparing her class to dance in Tchaikovsky’s immortal “Swan Lake,” and as Ella learns the story and listens to the music she is transported in a dream into “Swan Lake’s” setting. There, she meets Odette, a beautiful princess who is transformed into a swan by an evil sorcerer. This beautiful volume’s story is enhanced with James Mayhew’s color illustrations. A brief passage at the back of the book recounts the life of Russian composer Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky and his creation of the music for this famous ballet.

When Otto returns home from school one day to find his mother missing, and then discovers an advert for the Magical Detective Agency, he decides there’s nothing for it but to call on their services. In fact, the agency is just one man, a strange character call Maximillan Hawksmoor, who becomes convinced that Otto’s mother has been abducted by Elementals – beings who live in a completely different world. It’s not long before Otto, plus his friend Juliet and her cat Cornelius, join Max on a strange and dangerous journey to rescue Otto’s mother – in a world where anything is possible…

When Kate P Green goes for tea with the Queen, she gets more than she bargained for in this hilariously anarchic look at the tricky subject of table manners.

If your pants drive you potty and getting dressed is a disaster, then this is the book for you!

Do your briefs give you grief in the morning?
Do your knickers get tied up in knots?
Are you forced to wear tight, itchy, brown ones
Or long, floppy, grey ones with spots?